LEARNING HOW TO DEAL WITH ANGER
DEFINING ANGER
Anger is a natural and mostly automatic response to emotional or physical pain. Anger can occur when a person feels rejected, threatened, experiences loss, or is not feeling well. Anger is not always negative, as it can help a person express their negative feelings and assist them in finding solutions to problems. However, excessive anger can make it difficult to think logically which can harm a person’s physical and mental health.
The emotion of anger never occurs in isolation. It is frequently seen as a “secondhand emotion” which occurs when emotional or physical pain is combined with an anger triggering thought or event. Thoughts that can trigger anger in a person include making assumptions, evaluating motives, and perceiving that someone else is attempting to consciously or subconsciously hurt them.
Angry people very often feel that their anger is justified, however, society doesn’t always agree. Anger can result in a person experiencing unpleasant consequences (e.g. losing a job, going to jail, breaking up with a partner).
Anger is sometimes used as a substitute emotion that helps a person avoid feeling pain. Focusing anger on an external trigger helps distract a person by allowing them to shift the focus from themselves to something else. Making yourself angry can help you to hide the reality that you find a situation frightening or that you feel vulnerable.
SIGNS & SYMPTOMS OF ANGER
Physical signs of anger:
- headache
- dizziness
- stomachache
- sweaty palms
- shaking or trembling
- increased and rapid heart rate
- feeling hot in the neck and/or face
- clenching jaw or grinding your teeth
Emotionally signs of anger:
- irritable
- guilty
- resentful
- anxious
- sad or depressed
- feel like running away from a situation
- feel like striking out verbally or physically
Other signs of anger:
- pacing
- raising your voice
- becoming sarcastic
- rubbing your head
- losing your sense of humor
- yelling, screaming or crying
- cupping your fist with your other hand
- acting in an abusive or abrasive manner
- craving a drink, a smoke or other substances that relax you
EXPRESSING AND MANAGING ANGER IN UNHEALTHY WAYS:
Here are some ways of dealing with anger, which are harmful, especially as an ingrained habit, expressive style, or a defensive coping mechanism.
Behavioral aggression is often expressed through physical behaviors towards people or through the destruction of property. Some examples of aggressive behaviors include: domestic violence, fist fights, angry driving, and road rage. These behaviors can often result in frightening, harmful, or deadly consequences that leave one facing either law enforcement or child or adult protective service involvement.
Verbal abuse is typically exhibited through temper tantrums, verbal rage, bullying, intimidation, and brow beating. Acting in this way can end up in divorce, loss of job or a civil law suit.
Repressed anger is typically held inside, usually occurring in individuals who are usually too afraid to assert themselves at the moment leaving their feelings to mount and erupt at a later time.
Anger turned against the self is the way some individuals punish themselves rather than direct their feelings toward the offending person or event. It is a defensive strategy used to avoid getting angry at someone else.
Resentment shows up in a person who constantly blames or wishes ill-will to others, maintaining chronic hostility toward another individual. Maintaining resentment toward another sets the stage for passive aggressive behavior, acting-out, and rage reactions.
Passive-aggressive behavior manifests itself in a pattern of sarcasm and deliberate emotional neglect, hostility or coldness, which is a coping strategy to avoid direct confrontations.
Judgmental anger has as its goal to make one self feel better, usually at someone else’s expense typically by judging and disparaging their target and possibly trying to control that target by exhibiting and hiding behind “righteous anger,” while simultaneously diverting blame away from themselves.
Retaliatory anger is sometimes referred to as “payback anger” and is commonly be seen in both families and other close relationships. The feeling of “getting retribution” dominates this person and often times appears spontaneous but could be equally pre-meditated. This type of anger can degenerate into a reciprocal cycle causing a bigger rift in the relationship.
Obsessive anger is particularly damaging as it may encompass paranoia, jealousy, envy and feelings of being betrayed, humiliated and/or rejection. One’s physical health is often at risk for the obsessively angry individual who, in the process can loose his/her sense of self-esteem.
Rage is often associated with the “fight-or-flight” mechanism in all of us, which is typically uncontrolled physically or psychologically as it takes complete control of both mind and body. The raging personality may experience loss of social perception, judgment and motor control along with intermittent memory loss.
Manipulative anger shows up in the individual who is attempting to control a person through aggression. This person becomes dysfunctional when they are asked to assist in fixing family, peer or outside conflicts.
Overwhelmed anger is typically exhibited through temper tantrums. It shows up individuals who are overwhelmed by outside forces, fear and/or internal stressors that seem too much for them to cope with.
ANGER MANAGEMENT TREATMENT
Anger is not something you can get rid of. It is a normal, healthy emotion shared by all people everywhere. When it gets out of hand, though, anger can become destructive and lead to all sorts of personal problems.
While you can’t cure anger, you can manage the intensity and effect it has on you and effects on your life. It is possible to learn effective therapeutic strategies to help manage anger and help you become less reactive. These techniques can help you learn to develop more patience to deal with people and situations beyond your control.
Therapies for Anger Management Issues
Many therapeutic strategies are available to help you deal with anger issues and develop healthy ways of dealing with your anger. Some of these include:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy
- Improving communication skills
- Focusing on problem-solving
- Confronting problematic situations
- Humor and self-deprecation
SERVICES OFFERED
Individual Anger Management Therapy
Individual therapy is available in 45-minute sessions led by a Licensed Therapist/Certified Anger Management Specialist. Certificates of Completion and letters are provided to those that are court mandated. Court mandated individuals must attend 12 sessions.
Group Anger Management Therapy (12 week course)
Group therapy is available in 60-minute sessions for 12 weeks. Anger management groups are led by Licensed Therapists/Certified Anger Management Specialists. Certificates of Completion and letters are provided to those that are court mandated.
To setup an appointment for individual or group Anger Management Therapy, call 646.204.6755
Contact Fieldston Counseling For Your Anger Management Needs
Our clients always come first. We will take time to listen to you and respond to your needs. We will set up appointments that work best for both you and our therapists. We can be contacted via our contact form*, email, phone or fax.
*Disclaimer, it may take up to 24 hours to respond by contact form. If it’s an urgent request then please call us.